10 Jan 2008 - If You Eat A Live Toad...

It began with a POP. Run over something? My boss has trouble when it comes to rocks and roads. A quarter mile later, we accelerate down the access road to flapping noises. I think "flat tire" but my boss's boss pontificates about loose mud flaps. Who am I to argue. A mile later and a lot of car shaking and flapping noises I suggest “flat tire?” It took a while to convince her to check. Finally she does, pulling into the parking lot of a tattoo parlor. Nice. I check, sure enough, flat front left. I ask her to pull further in since she had me basically checking while dodging traffic. Everyone piles out of the car. They all just stand there. Oh I see, I guess I’m changing the tire then. Good for me. I burrow into the trunk for the jack and spare. I loosened the lug nuts then jacked up the car using a crappy scissor jack. As I’m trying to get the damn tire off, the jack starts to list. Visions of car resting on brake pad dance in my mind. My boss’s boss looks up and says, “I wonder what is around here? Hey, there’s a tire shop!” Yes, just 10 feet away was salvation behind the fence of the tattoo parlor. Wow. So they run off to get the tire shop guy. He returns and proceeds to kick the hell out of the tire to get it off. I watch in horror as the jack rocks back and forth. Somehow, he got it off and the car didn’t fall. Seems the entire inside of the tire had exploded outward so off he went to get a new one. I put the spare back all the while being told it wasn't necessary. Sure, until the jack falls then I’ll be a hero. I didn’t say that. It’s best to let them think they are helping. Fortunately, my boss’s husband arrived with a real jack and we fixed that “issue” then the tire guy returns with a new tire. My hands now black, we proceed to the restaurant. On the way, the Transguide message board said, “Message 666 666...” What the hell!?! Not cool! We get to the restaurant. It's fancy. I'm covered in black tire goo. Nice. I step out of the car and twist my ankle. Joy. I washed up and proceeded to have the best meal I’ve ever had!

Nothing else happened. So I guess it’s true if you eat a live toad first thing, nothing bad will happen the rest of the day.