Fantastic Fest has come and gone with another ridiculous number of movies shoved into my brain. I posted reviews of each on the website but I don't know how long they will stay there. I've already shelled out the big bucks for a VIP badge for next year. The price only went up a $100. The new way of doing tickets made having a VIP badge so much better so it's worth the the $280 I paid. My credit card company called me again this year wanting to know what the hell I could be spending $280 on in a movie theater. At least I know they are looking out for me.

So overall my schedule and Robbie's matched most of the way through. It's fun to watch these things with Robbie. I still can't believe we fell asleep next to each other while watching porn. Ops, I wasn't suppose to say anything. The way tickets were done allowed us to mill about in groups outside instead of standing in line hoping to get a seat. We got to meet and befriend the Spanish director Nacho Vigalondo. He even got our autograph! He created the movie Time Crimes and when it is released, you MUST see it. A flawless movie.

My rating is by nuts, being a squirrel and all, with just shells being total crap movie to 4 nuts which is a must own for me. So without further adew, let me review what I saw...

Short Fuse: FF's Heart-Stopping Shorts Program - I'm just a squirrel so I'm all about the revenge of the trees which is a must see!! Overall, the collection of short films wasn't as thrilling as I had expected. Some were wonderful, some were downright f***ing disturbing! Some I was left wondering why the short was even made it seemed so pointless (or just a reason to chop a kids head off.) Still, you can't go to FF and not see the shorts.
Butchers Hill - The squirrel as not amused. The only reason this film exists is for a single special effect.
Cosita Linda - A rip off of Teeth, which was a MUCH better movie. Still, the set, the desperation of the poor girl, that was done effectively.
Eel Girl - See, this is why you don't leave government employees alone in rooms! Kinda silly, but overall good short to see.
Electric Fence - The "WTF!" factor was so high I had to bump the rating up a bit for this one. You will never want to see this short again, but you should go see it at least once.
Hardcore - I love the whole dramatic lighting, the whole effect and dialogue of this short. But in the end, it was just an extended joke being told in an interesting way.
The Horribly Slow Murderer with the Extremely Inefficient Weapon - What an amazing idea! They should make this movie for real! All 9 hours of it. The second best short of this set.
I Love Sarah Jane - What can I say, I'm a sucker for Aussie accents and zombie movies. When I finished watching, I was in love with Sarah Jane too!
Road - See!! When someone is trying to get around you, move the F*** over. I love that this short was made, even if it was made using all the cliches of the girl alone traveling thing.
Snip - There was no real point to this other than showcasing some really cool and gross special effects.
Treevenge - Clearly the best of the shorts, in this squirrel's opinion, despite the predictable baby killing. Being a tree lover, I've always wondered what they thought, now I know.

Zack and Miri Make a Porno - I'm just a squirrel, not a critic, so naturally I loved this movie. A perfect romantic comedy Kevin Smith style! Total gross outs aside, the whole movie was solid. Well done!

How To Get Rid Of The Others - Good thing squirrels can read subtitles quickly! The movie satisfies both sides of political ideology and the dialogue is quick and interesting and a fascinating insight into the worth of a human being. Or lack there-of.

Fanboy - As a Star Wars loving D&D playing squirrel, I really went into this movie with high expectations. For a movie that has been 10 years in the making, I thought it would be more polished than it was. Don't get me wrong, it was well done, and the cameos are incredible, but something about it left me hanging I guess. I know Harry Knowles will have a review orgasm over the movie (since he's a small but key character in it.) Worthy of seeing! Especially for Kristen Bell who has now made my list of 5!

Just Another Love Story - I wasn't sure about this movie. In the end, I enjoyed it. The final segment of random stock footage to "calm me down" was completely unnecessary! The movie showed the ending at the beginning so when we finally made it to the end and I saw the rain, I knew. Still, worthy of a look.

Tokyo! - The first of the three segments of this film started out predictably then "poof" it really went into a new direction that I enjoyed. I was pumped for the rest. Alas, the second segment began with a great long shot and then "poof" it became a tedious thing to watch. The fake dialogue with no subtitles? Yeah, I got a small nap in. The final segment dragged on as well. I struggled to find the meaning (is the outside the new inside) but at that point the entire thing left me a little wanting.

Eagle Eye - An enjoyable and very predictable movie. I may take Connie to it when it comes out but is it worth owning? Meh.

Repo! The Genetic Opera - This squirrel loves Rocky Horror! This was no Rocky Horror. Overall it was... meh. Paris Hilton was much better than I thought. The only songs I enjoyed were sung by the professional opera singer. The entire things seemed like bits of flesh stitched together to make it whole.

Tokyo Gore Police - Thank goodness for the commercials spread throughout this movie that broke up the constant blood bath! Typical Japanese craziness that dragged on and on at some points.

Terra - Visually wonderful movie wrapped around an average story with the same basic message as Wall-E, but this time it wasn't good enough to destroy Earth, we destroyed Mars and Venus too! Go Humanity! I'll rent this someday for my son. Maybe.

Fear(s) Of The Dark - A struggle to watch. Pretentious French black and white animation yet I still enjoyed some of it. I found the Charles Burns part the best, the dogs, and the Mari Caillou but the rest was... yawn.

The Chaser - WOW!!! Koreans just know how to make these movies. I hope Hollywood doesn't muck this up. A must see as far as this squirrel is concerned.

Vinyan - Wow that was a slow boat ride to no where in particular!

Seventh Moon - I can't friggin stand shaky camera stuff. For the love of Pete STOP! This movie was so cliche it annoyed me. I enjoyed the suckling pig they served during the movie though.

Doctor Infierno - What a well put together and crazy movie for obviously little to no budget! Perfect late night wacky what the... movie.

Wicked Lake - Now this is a way to start a Sunday! Boobies!!! Not the best of movies but I don't think it set out to be a "best of" kinda movie.

Animated Shorts Program - Bubble Wrap, Coffee Vending Machine and His Sword and Game Over all make this a must see, in this squirrel's opinion of course. This collection contained:
Bernie's Doll - So the message of this is never let women have a head/brain or they will realize what a bunch of pigs we men are and run off?
Blood Will Tell - blah blah blah
City Wasp - meh
A Coffee Vending Machine and His Sword - I'm a sucker for this sort of WTF animated story!
Dog - I love a film that follows the rule of "be brief, be bright, be gone."
The Facts in the Case of Mr. Hollow - I KNOW I missed stuff and want to see this again, and again.
Fantasies in Bubblewrap - Made me snort when I laughed. That's not easy to do. Good job!
Film Noir - It was ok, visually interesting.
Fish - meh
Game Over - Just a bunch of video game re-creations but they were perfectly done and made me relive (for a moment) all those wasted quarters!
Karaoke Show - Yet another reason for a narcissistic director to show us how proud he is of his sausage, and nothing more.
Muto - Absolutely wonderful film that pissed off gang-bangers I'm sure.
The Squirrel Next Door - For very obvious reasons, I am obligated to rate this 4 nuts.
Violeta - Creepy but well done!
The Watermelon Chickens - The whole concept of this made me laugh what with the thwarted revenge and the single minded desires of those chickens and what not.

Best of Bloodshots 2008 - It's amazing what you can and can not do in just 48 hours. The shockumentary was the best done in my opinion. I think I'd like to try my hand at this next year. Let Aidan star and who knows... ;-)

JCVD - Jean-Claude Van Damme (JCVD) is the best movie I've seen in the festival so far. The monologue was unexpected yet a perfect little insight into Jean-Claude's existence. I sure hope this makes it to those bass-ackward markets like San Antonio, otherwise it's another 90 min car ride for me back to Austin to see it again.

Cargo 200 - I enjoyed the whole USSR in the 80's world but the pace was a bit slow and the entire situation was depressing, which is what I'm suppose to feel I'm sure. My friend said it was like watching perestroika in real time. I kinda agree on that point.

Alien Raiders - The pace wasn't as frantic as Tim stated but it was still good. It was enjoyable if not a bit predictable. I knew the ending 30 minutes before it ended. Still, worth checking out.

The Man From Hong Kong - Cheesy acting, cheesy dialogue, cheesy kung fu action fun.

I Think We're Alone Now - It disturbs me on a profound level that these people exist and are still allowed contact with Tiffany. They are interesting but ultimately have such a sad existence. Worthy film to see despite that feeling of wanting to run away from them.

The Man From Hong Kong - Cheesy acting, cheesy dialogue, cheesy kung fu action fun.

The Short Films of Nacho Vigalondo - If you didn't see this, you missed out on some of the most interesting, engaging and original stuff! This collection included:
Choque - 4 nuts just for having the actress from Time Crimes in it.
Sunday - Perfect!!!
7:35 In The Morning - This was my personal favorite! Nacho rules! Take that big budget Hollywood.
Changing the World - I would love to see this whole concept expanded into the next "Time Crimes"
Code 7 - I love the amazing creativity on display using the same footage times 3!
A Lesson In Filmmaking - Why oh why did he not smack that cow with the bat ball!?! Yet another fine example of why creativity is the key to a good film, not big budgets!
The Galactic Adventures of Jaime De Funes and Arancha - Interesting short, what the hell is with all the puke? Was that a conscious theme this year?

Blue Film Woman - What we saw there we shall never speak of it again.

Donkey Punch - It was an average film but I did enjoy the "Seventh Moon" variation courtesy our projectionist by having it all off center, shaky and dark for 10 minutes!

The Good, the Bad, and the Weird - Wonderful film but a bit long.

Secret Screening A (Brothers Bloom) - Interesting. As it opened, it gave me an expectation that it would be a very funny movie. My expectations were too high apparently. Still, a good movie overall.

Gushing Prayer - Pretentious and whinny not at all what I would have expected as a retrospective selection. I got in a great nap on this one!

Art of the Devil 3 - Now I want to see the other two.

Surveillance - This was a bit predictable but a fun ride none-the-less.

Astropia - I love LARP and it was a joy to watch this movie unfold inside that world.

Secret Screening Late Edition (Appaloosa) - Very well done western that kept me interested and engaged throughout the film. I enjoyed the gentleman's interaction among the various "guns for hire." Renee Zellweger was a shameless little slut and I thought that really added a dimension to this western.

A Lonely Cow Weeps At Dawn - Story line soft porn from Japan that at least I stayed awake through.

S&M Hunter - Clearly the funniest and kinkiest soft porn of the Pink Retrospective!

Secret Screening B (Role Models) - This movie was very well done, and damn if it wasn't rated R. I would love to take my whole family to it but alas, I will just encourage all my adult friends to see it. It was very funny and Paul Rudd rocks!

Martyrs - Part of me wants to give this just shells, but the movie messed with my head and emotions on a level I don't usually allow. Every time one situation would seem to resolve itself, another new direction would begin. I have to give the movie credit for that but damn that torture scene was so unnecessarily long and disturbing. No WAY this is going to ever be released in the US and if it is, I will not seek it out.

Secret Screening C (Rock-n-Rolla) - Yeah! RocknRolla was a pretty damn good movie with lots of story lines layering in and well done acting. I'm going to have to go see Snatch now.

Closing Night Film (The City of Ember) - When I saw Tim Robbins I assumed it would be an environmental screed but it wasn't. The movie was enjoyable and worthy enough to take my son too. Lot of "wholes" in the story and cheesiness nor the best movie I've seen but enjoyable none-the-less.

Wow, that's a lot of movies!